Tenley Jade

Since I did an update on the bubbas, I figured it was time for a little miss update as well...actually i haven't posted one on here since her birth so I am way behind, so this could get long! Our sweet little TJ just turned 5 months old, where has the time gone? My baby is growing so fast, I can't even keep up! When her brother was a baby, I was always looking forward to him growing and hitting new milestones...this time around I am in NO rush, and my heart breaks a little every time she does something new. She is certainly a fun little girl, and I just love this stage of babies! Ask me a few months ago and I might have tried to sell her to you :)

For the first 10-12 weeks of her life she was a difficult little diva! Seriously, everything that ever worked for Kaleb, DID NOT work for her! It was a little like learning to be a parent all over again, and the biggest thing I learned is that there is no golden rule to parenting, and my style has to adjust to each of my children's personalities. The hardest thing with her was the Colic, it's the worst feeling in the world to hear your baby cry for hours and absolutely everything you try doesn't help....it feels helpless. Many nights I would just hold her close and cry with her. There were a few nights where i would be driving around aimlessly at midnight with the radio cranked up and a screaming baby in the back seat. She would scream for hours and finally pass out, so I'd just let her sleep in the carseat. She also had some minor reflux issues, so I was getting zero sleep and zero dairy to help her reflux....sleep and dairy just happen to be 2 of my favorite things :) My sanity, along with Jareds was running very thin. Jared also worked long hours a lot at his new job, so adjusting to 2 kids alone was rough. I wished so badly that I could have someone just come and watch her even for a half hour, while I got some much needed rest, but living in a brand new state and knowing no one within a 6-8 drive left me feeling very lonely.

I would pray, she would cry, so I would pray harder and she would cry harder :) And on top of all that, I had a huge whopping pile of guilt on my heart, as I let Kaleb watch movie after movie while I tried to tend to his sister. Slowly, ever so slowly as the weeks passed she got a little better. I'd say about week 12 or so, she wasn't screaming her head off anymore for no reason. Loud does not describe her banshee scream, I am surprised the neighbors never called the cops...we do live in an apartment, so they had to hear her! I look back at those first difficult months now and I really am thankful for the experience. I learned a lot of love and patience that i never had to even think about before, and in those rare moments when she was quietly cuddling with me were pure bliss. I had this perfect baby girl, who I would do anything for and I've never felt so blessed!

I am happy to report that she is a happy, super energetic little squirt nowadays! Don't get me wrong, she still has some diva moments, but it's usually just when she is hungry or tired. She loves to smile and giggle, and NO ONE makes her laugh like her brother! I call her my little steamroller because she rolls all over the place! She drools likes no ones business, soaking through bibs and onesies like they're toilet paper! She loves to eat baby food, any baby food...and she makes yum yum noises the whole time she eats :) She is now sleeping about 6-7 hours after i put her down for bed, so I am no longer a zombie!! She is the sweetest most beautiful little string bean in the world!

We did run into one snag lately with her, she is now taking some formula...it's a super long story and this post is already long, but basically for reasons beyond my control, breastfeeding will be ending shortly. This was extremely heartbreaking for me and maybe it's because I had issues when I went back to work after having Kaleb that caused me to stop breastfeeding. I had this goal of getting to 1 year with Tenley, which is definitely not happening, so I was super depressed about it. I cried a lot, and bless my sweet husband, but as supportive as he is, I just felt like there was no way he could understand my pain and disappointment. At first I felt alone, I just wanted to go cry my eyes out to my mom or my sister and tell them all about it. So knowing I couldn't do that made me even more depressed, until finally I realized how stupid I was being. I got on my knees, poured my heart out to my heavenly father, and literally I instantly felt comforted and got the most clear message ever. I realized that putting expectations on myself like that weren't important, and that what is most important is just making sure my little girl was getting the nutrition she needed. It's funny, Tenley woke up from a nap right after this and she had this biggest grin on her face, I picked her up and she put her sweet little hand on my cheek and just smiled at me :) It was like she was telling me it's okay mom :)

She's been doing pretty good on the bottle and things are really good around here. I have 2 awesome kids and an amazing husband, who I love more than i could ever put into words! I feel so grateful and blessed for all they have given me!